As I look back over my life I am reminded of how much people loved one another.  Girls and boys could be the best of friends without having sex.  I am not ruling out the activity of sex during that time but it did not rule over the heart as it does today.

We are finding more and more sexual activity is taking place among our youths at a younger and younger age.  Also with this growing number, we find sexual activity multiplying among the same sexual preferences.  With that, we also see an outrage of infidelity.  What is all of this telling us?  Very simple, we are not developing our total selves.  The physical self is ruling and it is doing so with no conscious of morality.  No one wants to admit the human race has lost touch with its purpose to exist.  When you have no program, heathen tendencies rule our conscious.  We were created to love one another unconditionally.

Why sex?  I had to ask myself this question knowing I too have in my lifetime experienced revealing my nakedness to a man for the first time knowing just maybe I should not do this.  But I completed the mission with no thought of the risks.  Why?  Because in that moment I and so many other people allow the adrenalin rush to bond with another human overtake our logic.  It is just that simple.  We dive in hoping for something magical, special, bonding and at times proof that love is possible.  The very act itself promises no bed of roses only hope that maybe just maybe we are special to someone or we just downright need to feel something, something we do not experience outside of this experience.

What we are seeking is a conscious connection to someone.  We need love a love that makes us feel alive and appreciated.  When we surrender to this quickening, we are escaping the alienated world we exist in.  Love is so rare and seldom felt that we lose touch with the sensations that make it special between two people.  It is easier to search for each other under the sheets instead of above water face to face.  The natural tendencies to feel the needs and desires of one another have been savored due to selfishness and self seeking to survive in a world that hates love.

Sex without the spirit of love is void.  People keep indulging in the act like a crack head looking to recapture the first euphoric moment of ecstasy.  They roam from partner to partner hoping for a fulfillment that only God can fill.  You see God is love and love is God.  It is a far more than an orgasmic experience.  The orgasmic experience only reveals a false and temporal fulfillment in comparison to experiencing the reality of God.  Whether we acknowledge God or not, human nature will seek gratification because there is something in them that desires its Creator, because God put that desire there at birth.  You may think you need a sexual fix.  It is not that, it is God calling you to experience His reality.

Lonely people sleep together every night.  They have sex and experience an unfulfilled that not even they understand.  At times they will creep on their partner thinking he or she is not delivering when in reality no human can deliver fulfillment but God.  Without God, a destructive force rules our sexual indulgence.  This is why diseases and unwanted children are spreading like wild fire.  All the outcomes are evidence of a lack of love.  We are moving too fast to see.  This is how the world controls our choices.  The first step in saving ourselves is to be still and know we belong to God.  WITHOUT LOVE, SEX IS JUST FALSE HOPE FOR IT.  Yes, we are a world of love starved people.

As we near election, we are listening to two primary candidates, John McCain and Barrack Obama.  I am sure I am not the only one shocked that Obama has made it this far.  For me this is a miracle.  When think how far the African American man has come in America, this is a very eerie thing for me because this is something that just don’t happen.  But now that it has happened.  Barrack Obama may very well be the next president of the United States, you can’t help but wonder if we were as evil and racist as a nation as evidence have revealed.  Could it be finally white America is allowing their conscious to expand beyond racism to Americanism?

I don’t know because we still struggle as African Americans to be safe and created equal in America.  But if this is not the case, then why have white America allowed Obama to arrive to where he stands today?  Is it a hidden agenda?  Will it be proved that racism has found more sophisticated ways to express itself behind the scenes and it is just waiting for the moment when it will show its ugly head or have we actually evolved into less prejudice beings?

We’ve seen some racial evidence surface but we counteract them properly not allowing them to destroy our hope of establishing a nation tired of corruption.  I am so touched by the people of America today.  They are fighting for change.  When I see a white man trusting Obama I am mesmerized.  Their dedication and commitment to seeing him lead us to a better place is overwhelming to me.  I have witnessed it more times than I ever imagined.  As an African American female in America, I know both sides of the fence of the white Americans being for and against us.  I must say it is a two-edged sword America is facing now.

The world is watching us with a magnifying glass.  It knows our tendencies to self-destruct.  The world is waiting to see if racism will do its evil thing as we seek salvation from corruption.  The outsiders are watching us to see if good will prevail thinking it will not because America has gotten its priorities out of place.  We have to save ourselves from greedy and corrupted leaderships.  If we don’t, the outsiders will close in on us and racism will be invalid from then on end. 

Obama is taking on a task of assisting the victimized people of America recover from corruption.  John McCain as far as I see is only playing the old political game of controlling people’s lives with no concern for individuals struggling to have a secure life.  If we don’t get involve and let it be known that America is not going to take it anymore, we’re going to fight to save our future because our children need hope, then we are wasting our time working everyday.  America, it is not just sweet words Obama is speaking.  He is revealing our serious need to see and do things differently.  This man is risking his and his family’s life to pave a way to saving America from dictatorship.  Time and time again, he reminds us we have to work together to save America.

Love is something that always held my interest even when I was a child.  Something about that word makes us react from within.  Some people become emotional and react gently towards their loved one while others have proven to react violently to those words.  What is it about love that reminds us we are human?  It is a universal word seldom defined by two people yet desired to be heard.  As I go into the years of my life I am finding love to be a word that is spoken freely without any accountability of its meaning.  I feel this is why people are so misunderstood by one another.  “I love you” were words that was suppose to build us up and give us strength to exist in a world of difficulty; yet in reality, we are learning those words are not delivering results that make this world a better place.  Why is that?

Yesterday while I was having dinner with my son, Marcus we found it interesting that we both have learned our feelings are not equated in our identity when we are involved in relationships.  We found it to be a dilemma to how someone can say he or she loves us and find no interest in our feelings especially those that make us happy.  I wondered when someone says he or she loves you; do you really understand what is being said?

Someone shared with me their lack of not understanding why a woman he is willing to provide for along with her illegitimate child would find it an inconvenience to not go to the store and buy him some socks knowing he needed them.  Then, someone shared with me that it is not understood why someone would not join them in going to the store after being asked by the one she supposedly loves.  It was amazing to realize people say I love you quite freely but their actions say something different.  Why would a man you may not see for months on end leave your state and return to his not honoring a simple request of leaving his fragrance on your pillow?  How can a woman knowing her fiancée’ is heading to Iraq refuse his call prior to him leaving the country simply because she is busy doing hair?  What keeps people from being conscious of other people's feelings especially when they supposedly love you? 

This dilemma is not uncommon.  In fact it is very common.  People who would rather not be alone allow the one they love to not fulfill their needs.  Years go by and one is happy while the other is unhappy.  Many affairs result as a result of accepting less than you deserve from a relationship.  If someone tells you he or she loves you, what is it that is being loved.  If it is not your feelings and thoughts that make you who you are, then what is it that someone loves about you?

I am sure we all have been told "I love you" and found these words to make us feel special and willing to share more of ourselves with others.  But do we really understand what it really means?  Universally speaking, I am coming to learn these powerful words mean there is something in you I can incorporate into my life.   I can overlook the aspects of you I do not like.  And, I am willing to share my space with you if you are willing to share your space with me.  Is this enough for a special relationship?  You tell me.

Up until the last two years my oldest and dear friend who was 89 years old was my source of inspiration and wisdom.  She was widowed for twelve years and made it clear she would never marry again.  This position in life seems to be popular among many widows.  I have been widowed for twenty years.  Marriage was something I enjoyed for it allowed me to build a foundation to live upon while I faced the world with its challenges.  But why was I not married and so many other widows?  Because many widows and widowers know the chances of being loved again are slim or nearly impossible.

 How did we end up so alienated from one another?  Many of us will leave this world without a true partner and soul mate, because love has become difficult to embrace.  For sure if you have ever been loved, you know when you have been shortchanged.  How can a widow or a widower ignore the reality that though someone is kind and wants to be with you that this does not mean he or she loves you?  It can't be ignored because love is something that can't be denied.  It has a power of its own that touches your heart in the presence of the one who loves you.  To accept kindness as love has costs many people grief.

 Love today is not the love I remember.  Love cares about your feelings, desires and that which makes you smile. It is a selfless sharing that allows the other person to be energized, lifted up to a state of fulfillment.  With this love, you want to do great things for mankind.  It is not something you just share in your home you go out into the world to bring light and hope to a world lacking in the beauty of love. Today, love means I will tolerate or be with this person because it makes my life easier and less lonely.  It is not about keeping the one you love strong and encouraged.

 Love has the spirit of appreciation.  You can't do enough for one another through the hard and good times.  If you have to question whether someone loves you, chances are they do not love you.  They just care enough about you to get their needs met leaving you needing more than they care to give.  This is not the best relationship you can have.  Many people live in the same house with their spouses and are very alone.  This is not love it is convenience and you are cheating yourself.  You deserve more than that.  You deserve to be adored, caressed, wanted and enjoyed by your companion.

 Sometimes, love is not enough.  Being in love with the one you love stimulates action.  Love grounds but being in love specializes the union. This brings the magic and splendor that motivates couples to be physically conscious of one another.  You just don't forget the twinkle in each others' eyes making love ageless and welcoming.  And this earthly bonding makes it easy to not desire any other.  My 89 year old friend, Mrs. Bass loved her husband and he loved her.  I still see that twinkle in their eyes when they would talk to one another.  Their love was strong and filled with much playing.  His love carried on even in his death as he made sure she would not want for anything while he was gone.  Her head was always held high and she was always at peace.  When she would mention Mr. Bass, a glow would fill the room especially when she said no one today compares to the love Bass gave me.  He just wanted me to be happy.

Being alone for many proves to be the best state to live in today because once you've been loved, you know when you have been shortchanged.  Sad to say, many have not been genuinely love to know the difference.  To you I say, be aware of your feelings.  They are crying and talking to you for a reason.  Don't fool yourself.  If you do, you will remain lost.

MOLESTED ANGEL GET HER WINGS

As a survivor of molestation, I can honestly say there is a beautiful life after being molested. I remember watching "Woman Thou Art Loose" by TD Jakes. In the movie, the main character, a young female was raped by her mother’s boyfriend who took her virginity. Neither her mother or anybody in her life knew her inner suffering with this experience. That hidden anguish grew to self-destruction.

The movie bothered me from the standpoint that when a man of God counsels this young lady knowing her deep seated anger and offered her no answers and in the end no hope. This was a great devastation for me because the victim ends up shooting the victimizer at the altar in the House of God. People found this to be an excellent movie. I found it to be a preying on emotions and a means of an income dealing with a subject so complex and soul altering that to tamper with it with no resolve was unjust to molested victims needing help. Several years later, I still remember this disappointment.

With this in mind, I want victims, not only molested victims to know and understand there is hope and there are answers. We just have to discover our own path to God. I wrote a book, "LAST DAY OF VICTIMIZATION". This book reveals the soul of victimization and prepares victims and those who love and want to assist in the healing process answers and a real understanding why we are victims. Trust me if you really want to be delivered from your past, it can happen and it will if you consider the possibility it is because you are a child of God therefore you are a target for potential abuse.

Though many people would hate to admit, healing from molestation and many other forms of abuse takes time, lots of time. It is a shifting of gears from low to high with neutral sometimes making us think we are not progressing. I want molested angels all around the world to know you can and will accept your wings of freedom. When it happens you will know it. I remember accepting my wings. It happened in a way that never entered my mind. I owe it to my soul mate. I will ever be indebted to him.

Standing up for one’s feelings, needs and desires was difficult for me as a molested victim because that natural choosing was denied me for so many years of my life. I faced the world not acknowledging my true feelings that made me who I am. Instead, the needs, feelings and desires of the ones I loved had precedence over mines; but finally after much trust in God and allowing myself to rise out of my private abyss, I spoke from my soul and risk the chance of disappointing or even losing my soul mate. See in the past, I was hollered at or spanked if I expressed my true feelings. But my day of realizing God has brought me from a long way I spoke and received my Wings of Healing. Today, I can say: God will restore the years of the locusts. My past can no longer paralyze my presence. To be free is knowing you are AMAZING!