When we consider answering the question: “Why so many single African American women?” We have to be prepared to go deep into the soul of the black woman. This means that you have to be willing to understand we as the female gender thrive on the power of love. The problem is love and sex has been totally abused in meaning and behavior.
In writing the first part of this series, one of the readers put extra emphasis on sex being the major reason why there are so many single females today. I can join in agreeing that sexual activity plays a crucial part in this issue but I also feel it is important that it is understood why so much sexual activity.
First of all, large numbers of women have been sexually abused as children. And those who weren’t abused as children experienced some form of sexual abuse as adults. As a result, we have women who have gone through life internally damaged mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The natural process of discernment and constructive reasoning has been compromised and lost. Intimacy has been identified as some form of retardation in choosing healthy involvement in relationships.
The saddest thing about this reality is that women are not aware they are not being their true and natural selves. If they had not been violated, they would think, feel, process information totally differently. You see, what happens is the real woman is buried deep inside of them and the abused woman decides what will be. This woman does not think logically in fact she does not think much at all. She responds to life because she knows her feelings do not matter, only the feelings for the man she will allow into her body.
An abused woman exists to meet the requirements of others. They are usually very successful because they have learned to wear many masks. You do not get her heart. She does not trust you. How can she trust you when the abusers are usually people she is supposed to trust, her father, neighbor, pastor, etc. She will let you do what you like to her. In fact abused women are some of your most freaky women. They learned how to please others in the most unnatural circumstances. That is one of the reasons why young girls turn on older males.
They grew up fast sexually and mentally in getting pleasures fulfilled even if they didn’t want to do it. Their fulfillment is in getting it done. Being sexually desired makes them feel special and their ability to deliver reinforces it.
Many abused women have children because they have learned this to be a safe way of being loved. Though the claim is a desire to be loved by a man, on the other hand deep down they do not feel it is possible. There is a tug of war going on that pushes them away from any possibilities of true intimacy.
Natural tendencies are developed early in life. People would be amazed how different they would be if they were brought up in a healthy environment. Molested women and men struggle daily wondering who he or she could have been if this experience had not happened to them. This makes them feel unworthy of true love. Yet, again, it is desired but practically hopeless.
Unconsciously, they exist with no conscious of knowing their true selves. Having sex because it was their first experience of intimacy and being desired. Relationships destroy them and the other person involved. Each departs with scares that the next person they meet must endure. The vicious cycle continues leaving people alienated from potential real love.
Sex---love, sex----love, the meaning is tarnished because no one knows what the other is saying.

What profit a man to gain the world and to lose his soul?
Come on everybody, enough already it is time to face reality. Michael Jackson was a human being with special gifts and talents. What he did with them was his choice. He chose to share his life with a world that could only promise money and worship.

So what was the price? Obviously, it was his life. My question is was it worth it? The world was entertained by a genius that maxed out his potential to create unique and one-time displays of songs and dance steps. We heard and watched MJ work magic right before our eyes for years. Not only did he entertain us with his gifts and talents but he also gave us a show of his troubled soul.

Michael Jackson physically transformed his body image from a African American man into a European-looking white man. Why such a huge transformation? Was it to increase acceptance in a diversity world of color where the lighter your flesh the more your acceptance? Who knows? What we do know is he was no longer that little boy who grew up in an African American family from Indiana. He was a new creature. Face it, he was ENTERTAINMENT MATERIAL with a huge price.

With all this being said, I find it disgusting that the media continues to exalt this man and justify his choices to choose less than the best for himself. Until we accept, MJ was a human being, we will never have peace. He like many parents in the world had the responsibility first of all to be a good parent to his children then please self and the world. I am a firm believer if parents would based their choices and decisions on their love and responsibilities to their children, they will head towards best in life for everyone including themselves.

Michael could not do that only because he never came out of the traumas of childhood victimization. One of the major behavior patterns of victimization is becoming your own victimizer. Before he became a parent, he needed to be healed from his own demons. Now, we have three innocent children who are victims continuing the victimizing cycle. Eventually, each one of his children will face these same demons because once the world knows your vulnerability, it will come for you as it came for Michael Jackson.....to love him to death.

No, entertaining the world was not worth the price paid. Please stop the music......let your hope of attention and riches go that some normalcy can persevere enough already.

I find it interesting how we are taught to watch out for strangers for they may take advantage of us.  I had to ask myself:  When do you really know someone?  What is it about a person that allows you to open the door to let them in your life?  The first thought that came to my mind is we tend to lower our guards based on titles.  In this world if you are a Christian, Minister, Doctor, Teacher, Celebrity, Father, Mother, etc., we will shift our inner gears to see what you are about based on badges we display.

Today I am talking to my innocent people, the givers of the world.  I want you to know a true predator does not have to be a monster.  In fact, the predators I want to talk about are the ones we prefer to not talk about—the Christian predator is putting on a collar and walking with the bible in his or her hand.  I recently met a man considered to be a reverend he had a possible streak of bad luck.  He found me on a website and admired my photo and my purpose in life.  In corresponding with him, he revealed to me God put it on his heart to ask me to join his ministry that what we could do together could help a lot of people.  I told him, I heard that before.  I did not sense God revealed this to him.  Later I learned he felt my empathy for victims could make his life a lot easier asking me for money because he was experiencing identity theft and all his means were cut off.  When I refused, I did not hear from him anymore.

He was a reverend with a nonprofit ministry that reached out to people needing a second a chance yet he had a heart and mind to prey upon a survivor of victimization.  He was not the first Christian man to be drawn to me by what they call my innocence and gentleness towards life that they wanted to usefor self-gain, there has been several supposedly Christian men who have attempted to take advantage of my kind nature saying so many women today are heartless and lack compassion.  Well, now I am really beginning to understand why this may be true.  Good people are considered weak and naïve’ even in the Christian community.  It is not just men that tend to prey on good natured people, women have proven to do the same as well. 

True people of God are the givers of life and subject to be preyed upon by predators.  We must know God has given us discernment and we must pray that it is sharp at all times.  Predators can pray, sing, preach, give you a loving hug etc., and be planning to take from you with no thought of your well-being.  The Bible identifies them as wolves in sheep clothing.  They are not afraid of God or losing.  Remember, anybody can become a minister, many are getting ordained right on line or by their friends and relatives.  Don’t let the title make you too relaxed. 

In all sectors of life we have our honest and sincere ministers and Christians but we can not ignore the fact we have enemies in the camp.  Always remember, a real predator already knows exactly what they want from you and how to get it.  One weakness a predator has is the word no and that is because it is not in their program so their true colors will surely show as they attack, create guilt or back out widely or graciously.  If it seems too good to be true, chances are it is just that. 

MOLESTED ANGEL GET HER WINGS

As a survivor of molestation, I can honestly say there is a beautiful life after being molested. I remember watching "Woman Thou Art Loose" by TD Jakes. In the movie, the main character, a young female was raped by her mother’s boyfriend who took her virginity. Neither her mother or anybody in her life knew her inner suffering with this experience. That hidden anguish grew to self-destruction.

The movie bothered me from the standpoint that when a man of God counsels this young lady knowing her deep seated anger and offered her no answers and in the end no hope. This was a great devastation for me because the victim ends up shooting the victimizer at the altar in the House of God. People found this to be an excellent movie. I found it to be a preying on emotions and a means of an income dealing with a subject so complex and soul altering that to tamper with it with no resolve was unjust to molested victims needing help. Several years later, I still remember this disappointment.

With this in mind, I want victims, not only molested victims to know and understand there is hope and there are answers. We just have to discover our own path to God. I wrote a book, "LAST DAY OF VICTIMIZATION". This book reveals the soul of victimization and prepares victims and those who love and want to assist in the healing process answers and a real understanding why we are victims. Trust me if you really want to be delivered from your past, it can happen and it will if you consider the possibility it is because you are a child of God therefore you are a target for potential abuse.

Though many people would hate to admit, healing from molestation and many other forms of abuse takes time, lots of time. It is a shifting of gears from low to high with neutral sometimes making us think we are not progressing. I want molested angels all around the world to know you can and will accept your wings of freedom. When it happens you will know it. I remember accepting my wings. It happened in a way that never entered my mind. I owe it to my soul mate. I will ever be indebted to him.

Standing up for one’s feelings, needs and desires was difficult for me as a molested victim because that natural choosing was denied me for so many years of my life. I faced the world not acknowledging my true feelings that made me who I am. Instead, the needs, feelings and desires of the ones I loved had precedence over mines; but finally after much trust in God and allowing myself to rise out of my private abyss, I spoke from my soul and risk the chance of disappointing or even losing my soul mate. See in the past, I was hollered at or spanked if I expressed my true feelings. But my day of realizing God has brought me from a long way I spoke and received my Wings of Healing. Today, I can say: God will restore the years of the locusts. My past can no longer paralyze my presence. To be free is knowing you are AMAZING!

There is an old saying: twice a child once an adult. This means just as we entered the world needing someone to love, nurture and protect us we will need the same leaving. When all is said and done and we have met the challenges of the world, we must ask ourselves: WHO WILL CHANGE MY DIAPER when I am possibly sick or too old to take care of my self.

As it stands today, our society is creating a future of alienation and no trust in love not only as companions but also as family members towards one another. In this moment for most of us being able to work, pay our bills and watch television is all one seeks to exist. Yet, we all know by nature we were created to interact with one another and yes, love and be loved.

Recently, my mother had knee replacement surgery. In my spirit, I knew I did not want anybody to tend to her but me because I knew how crucial love plays in the healing process for all life. We will recover at the hands of strangers this we know but I wanted my mother to not only recover but grow and be encouraged through the whole ordeal because it was her first surgery ever at the age of seventy.

During her stay in the hospital, the medical staff was professional and in the beginning very kind, attentive and encouraging. By the fourth day there was a drop off on caring. This is what happens when love is not there. People get treated like a machine after awhile like when we put our vehicles in the shop. You just never know what to expect. But love is reassuring and promises that you are not alone.

In looking at your friend, companion, husband, etc., make sure you know he or she will be willing to focus in on your dependency when so much more is required of them besides laughing and playing. Make sure you know he or she will change your diaper if necessary for the rest of your life. The only certainty one can have is to seek and know they have the best love which includes God. Without a conscious of God no person in your life can be solely trusted to stand by you through thick and thin.

In the end you learn love is not just about convience. It is about commitment, loyalty, and the reality of the power of oneness throughout eternity. Your child, sibling, companion, friend, etc. must reveal the best displays of love if you are going to trust them with your well-being in times of dependency where you are not enough to see your self through. Today, take time out to look at who you have around you. WILL THEY CHANGE YOUR DIAPER?