“Mom, look at her, isn’t she beautiful?” I knew when Marcus said he was not anxious to sleep with her, instead, he wanted to know more about her, she would be his wife. It all started when a boy and girl’s eyes met across a football field while he was coaching beside her Father.  He maintained his cool and proceeded to learn and grow to become an excellent coach under her Father’s guidance.  Not once did he pursue her, he only looked forward to the next game to behold her beautiful eyes.

“Mom, is there such a thing as love at first sight?” Not certain to my answer, yes, it is possible. He learned something about her touched his heart. A year passes; he wonders if he was imagining things each time their eyes met, she smiled.  Another football season arrived, this time he had prepared himself to trust God with his life.

In a state of celibacy, his heart was set on Katie.  Respecting her Father and uncertain to whether she was just being kind, Marcus stood fast trusting, she is the one. Then it happened, he was invited to a birthday party at her family’s home. They have been peas in a pod ever since.

I will never forget the preparation made to receivce such joy. He prayed and read his Bible daily.  Lonely days followed; he stood fast trusting God with his life. I prayed for God to give him love. My prayer was answered. Love is a beautiful thing. Seeing them reminds me of miracles and the origin of things before being judged by materialism.  Without love, we are Michael Jacksons having all the world has to offer without love. Case close.

Love is something that always held my interest even when I was a child.  Something about that word makes us react from within.  Some people become emotional and react gently towards their loved one while others have proven to react violently to those words.  What is it about love that reminds us we are human?  It is a universal word seldom defined by two people yet desired to be heard.  As I go into the years of my life I am finding love to be a word that is spoken freely without any accountability of its meaning.  I feel this is why people are so misunderstood by one another.  “I love you” were words that was suppose to build us up and give us strength to exist in a world of difficulty; yet in reality, we are learning those words are not delivering results that make this world a better place.  Why is that?

Yesterday while I was having dinner with my son, Marcus we found it interesting that we both have learned our feelings are not equated in our identity when we are involved in relationships.  We found it to be a dilemma to how someone can say he or she loves us and find no interest in our feelings especially those that make us happy.  I wondered when someone says he or she loves you; do you really understand what is being said?

Someone shared with me their lack of not understanding why a woman he is willing to provide for along with her illegitimate child would find it an inconvenience to not go to the store and buy him some socks knowing he needed them.  Then, someone shared with me that it is not understood why someone would not join them in going to the store after being asked by the one she supposedly loves.  It was amazing to realize people say I love you quite freely but their actions say something different.  Why would a man you may not see for months on end leave your state and return to his not honoring a simple request of leaving his fragrance on your pillow?  How can a woman knowing her fiancée’ is heading to Iraq refuse his call prior to him leaving the country simply because she is busy doing hair?  What keeps people from being conscious of other people's feelings especially when they supposedly love you? 

This dilemma is not uncommon.  In fact it is very common.  People who would rather not be alone allow the one they love to not fulfill their needs.  Years go by and one is happy while the other is unhappy.  Many affairs result as a result of accepting less than you deserve from a relationship.  If someone tells you he or she loves you, what is it that is being loved.  If it is not your feelings and thoughts that make you who you are, then what is it that someone loves about you?

I am sure we all have been told "I love you" and found these words to make us feel special and willing to share more of ourselves with others.  But do we really understand what it really means?  Universally speaking, I am coming to learn these powerful words mean there is something in you I can incorporate into my life.   I can overlook the aspects of you I do not like.  And, I am willing to share my space with you if you are willing to share your space with me.  Is this enough for a special relationship?  You tell me.

A very special love in my life got my undivided attention when he confirmed for love to have significance, power and reality, it must be defined by both involved parties.  Today, two people tell one another that they love each other not realizing just what that means individually.  When fulfillment is to be established in a special relationship, it must be understood:  LOVE MUST BE DEFINED.  “In the story “This Thing Called Love” the characters learn their past decided their meaning of love resulting in unintentional heartache.

“I don’t want to talk about it.  My stepfather really messed up my mind.”

“I know he did because when we were in school you always looked like you had to be careful about everything you said and done.  Most of the time when you mentioned him your whole countenance changed.”

“Well, you know what happened. But you really don’t understand what it does to a person.”

“No, I don’t understand what happens to a person who is molested, but I do know any unjust experience a person has put that person in a position to choose trust or no trust in God.”

“That’s so easy to say.  But how do you trust God when God wasn’t protecting you from unjust experiences?”

“I knew that was coming.  God and experiences are separate purposes.  Experiences are the circumstances and events we are engulfed in life.  God is the force behind it all. Because we don’t understand everything, does not mean God should be less.”

“Try explaining that to someone who has been raped, Andrew!”

“I didn’t say it is an easy acceptance.  I just want you to understand a lot of our suffering is because we have painted too small of a picture of life.  Life is more than just being a victim.”

“You’ve never been victimized. You have no clue of how your heart and mind get disconnected from each other. And, you don’t know what it feels like to lose contact with the person you were before it happened.”

“Do you really think there are people who exist who have not been victimized? Sexual abuse isn’t the only victimization there is.  People hate me because I am white, wealthy and attractive. Do you think it’s easy for me to have friends and someone to love me for me?”

“What has happened to you, Andrew?”

“I’ve been robbed and held at gunpoint. Women have pretended to love me; in reality they wanted my money.  Men actually roll their eyes at me when they see me walking into stores or restaurants.  Try living with envy. Trust me it hurts.”

“I didn’t know. How do you hold on to yourself without being mad all the time?”

“I choose to feel the best feeling I can come up with and it always have God somewhere in it.”

“You don’t blame God for not protecting you?”

“I’m alive.  Case closed.”