When we consider answering the question: “Why so many single African American women?” We have to be prepared to go deep into the soul of the black woman. This means that you have to be willing to understand we as the female gender thrive on the power of love. The problem is love and sex has been totally abused in meaning and behavior.
In writing the first part of this series, one of the readers put extra emphasis on sex being the major reason why there are so many single females today. I can join in agreeing that sexual activity plays a crucial part in this issue but I also feel it is important that it is understood why so much sexual activity.
First of all, large numbers of women have been sexually abused as children. And those who weren’t abused as children experienced some form of sexual abuse as adults. As a result, we have women who have gone through life internally damaged mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The natural process of discernment and constructive reasoning has been compromised and lost. Intimacy has been identified as some form of retardation in choosing healthy involvement in relationships.
The saddest thing about this reality is that women are not aware they are not being their true and natural selves. If they had not been violated, they would think, feel, process information totally differently. You see, what happens is the real woman is buried deep inside of them and the abused woman decides what will be. This woman does not think logically in fact she does not think much at all. She responds to life because she knows her feelings do not matter, only the feelings for the man she will allow into her body.
An abused woman exists to meet the requirements of others. They are usually very successful because they have learned to wear many masks. You do not get her heart. She does not trust you. How can she trust you when the abusers are usually people she is supposed to trust, her father, neighbor, pastor, etc. She will let you do what you like to her. In fact abused women are some of your most freaky women. They learned how to please others in the most unnatural circumstances. That is one of the reasons why young girls turn on older males.
They grew up fast sexually and mentally in getting pleasures fulfilled even if they didn’t want to do it. Their fulfillment is in getting it done. Being sexually desired makes them feel special and their ability to deliver reinforces it.
Many abused women have children because they have learned this to be a safe way of being loved. Though the claim is a desire to be loved by a man, on the other hand deep down they do not feel it is possible. There is a tug of war going on that pushes them away from any possibilities of true intimacy.
Natural tendencies are developed early in life. People would be amazed how different they would be if they were brought up in a healthy environment. Molested women and men struggle daily wondering who he or she could have been if this experience had not happened to them. This makes them feel unworthy of true love. Yet, again, it is desired but practically hopeless.
Unconsciously, they exist with no conscious of knowing their true selves. Having sex because it was their first experience of intimacy and being desired. Relationships destroy them and the other person involved. Each departs with scares that the next person they meet must endure. The vicious cycle continues leaving people alienated from potential real love.
Sex---love, sex----love, the meaning is tarnished because no one knows what the other is saying.

I want to talk to the innocent people in the world-- those who have fallen victim to unjust actions and choices.  I want you to know whether you were raped, molested, robbed, caught in the midst of Katrina or any natural disasters, any victimization where something was taken from you and there was not anything you could do about it; you are still here representing a rare group of people greater than any injustice that takes place in this world. You are here because you have a spirit and a soul this world can not take or kill.  Like me, you represent the reality this world is not your home.  Our survival of victimization confirms we exist for greater reasons beyond this world of selfishness and evil.

Tonight, I just wanted to join you in spirit.  We have come such a long way being misunderstood and at times not accepted.  For many of us, we have to ask the question:  Who do we trust?  In asking that question, we only want to know how we get people to do the right thing to do right by us and let us be.  I asked a few friends and family members:  How do you get people to do the right thing?  Those who do right by others had no answers in getting people to do right.  They can only say their choices to do right are natural for them that anything else would be uncomfortable.  On the other hand, those who are self-centered and greedy told me they do what they have to do and usually at any price.  That included taking from others if necessary.  These people admitted the thoughts of guilt were always ignored because they did what they had to do.

This made me realize no matter how innocent a person is, there are people out there who simply do not have a conscious of other people’s right to be safe and free.  In my book LAST DAY OF VICTIMIZATION I reveal the reality of there always being a THEM and US.  By nature, some people are takers, selfish, deceiving and unjust.  I call them people born of the Cain seed.  Then there are those who are kind, considerate, trusting and giving.  They are those born of the Abel seed.  The Abel seed is out numbered by the Cain spirit by a huge margin.

In answering the question to whom do we trust, Christians will be the first to say trust no one but God.  This is indeed true but many who are quick to make this statement do not have this living in their hearts.  They will take from God’s people in a heartbeat to survive and enjoy their lives.  This is why trust is deteriorating from our lives.  People we should be able to trust have allowed their own needs to supersede doing right by others.  All Christians are not takers and deceivers; we do have some who allow God’s spirit to reign in their lives.  They are innocent people.

Tonight, I had to let innocent victims know there are so many of us who do not know how to exist in a world not trusting people, especially when by nature we should be able to trust.  This is vexation to the spirit.  See, we must remember something very important.  Anybody coming up against us and taking from us are not doing that.  They are coming up against God.  As long as we trust God, we can trust anybody that comes into our lives to either reveal the light of love and God or the reality of darkness.  No matter what people do, we can not be destroyed.  Our souls belong to God. 

My fellow victims know we are not victims in spirit in truth.  In fact we are so valuable to God; the self-centered evildoers seek to destroy us because by nature, they can’t know God.  That’s right the innocent people of the world are God’s people.  Whether it is acknowledged or not, this is a truth that can’t be denied.  Rest at night knowing you more than a victim, you are chosen by God.  Jesus was the greatest victim that ever lived.  Whose child was he?