“Mom, look at her, isn’t she beautiful?” I knew when Marcus said he was not anxious to sleep with her, instead, he wanted to know more about her, she would be his wife. It all started when a boy and girl’s eyes met across a football field while he was coaching beside her Father.  He maintained his cool and proceeded to learn and grow to become an excellent coach under her Father’s guidance.  Not once did he pursue her, he only looked forward to the next game to behold her beautiful eyes.

“Mom, is there such a thing as love at first sight?” Not certain to my answer, yes, it is possible. He learned something about her touched his heart. A year passes; he wonders if he was imagining things each time their eyes met, she smiled.  Another football season arrived, this time he had prepared himself to trust God with his life.

In a state of celibacy, his heart was set on Katie.  Respecting her Father and uncertain to whether she was just being kind, Marcus stood fast trusting, she is the one. Then it happened, he was invited to a birthday party at her family’s home. They have been peas in a pod ever since.

I will never forget the preparation made to receivce such joy. He prayed and read his Bible daily.  Lonely days followed; he stood fast trusting God with his life. I prayed for God to give him love. My prayer was answered. Love is a beautiful thing. Seeing them reminds me of miracles and the origin of things before being judged by materialism.  Without love, we are Michael Jacksons having all the world has to offer without love. Case close.

When we consider answering the question: “Why so many single African American women?” We have to be prepared to go deep into the soul of the black woman. This means that you have to be willing to understand we as the female gender thrive on the power of love. The problem is love and sex has been totally abused in meaning and behavior.
In writing the first part of this series, one of the readers put extra emphasis on sex being the major reason why there are so many single females today. I can join in agreeing that sexual activity plays a crucial part in this issue but I also feel it is important that it is understood why so much sexual activity.
First of all, large numbers of women have been sexually abused as children. And those who weren’t abused as children experienced some form of sexual abuse as adults. As a result, we have women who have gone through life internally damaged mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The natural process of discernment and constructive reasoning has been compromised and lost. Intimacy has been identified as some form of retardation in choosing healthy involvement in relationships.
The saddest thing about this reality is that women are not aware they are not being their true and natural selves. If they had not been violated, they would think, feel, process information totally differently. You see, what happens is the real woman is buried deep inside of them and the abused woman decides what will be. This woman does not think logically in fact she does not think much at all. She responds to life because she knows her feelings do not matter, only the feelings for the man she will allow into her body.
An abused woman exists to meet the requirements of others. They are usually very successful because they have learned to wear many masks. You do not get her heart. She does not trust you. How can she trust you when the abusers are usually people she is supposed to trust, her father, neighbor, pastor, etc. She will let you do what you like to her. In fact abused women are some of your most freaky women. They learned how to please others in the most unnatural circumstances. That is one of the reasons why young girls turn on older males.
They grew up fast sexually and mentally in getting pleasures fulfilled even if they didn’t want to do it. Their fulfillment is in getting it done. Being sexually desired makes them feel special and their ability to deliver reinforces it.
Many abused women have children because they have learned this to be a safe way of being loved. Though the claim is a desire to be loved by a man, on the other hand deep down they do not feel it is possible. There is a tug of war going on that pushes them away from any possibilities of true intimacy.
Natural tendencies are developed early in life. People would be amazed how different they would be if they were brought up in a healthy environment. Molested women and men struggle daily wondering who he or she could have been if this experience had not happened to them. This makes them feel unworthy of true love. Yet, again, it is desired but practically hopeless.
Unconsciously, they exist with no conscious of knowing their true selves. Having sex because it was their first experience of intimacy and being desired. Relationships destroy them and the other person involved. Each departs with scares that the next person they meet must endure. The vicious cycle continues leaving people alienated from potential real love.
Sex---love, sex----love, the meaning is tarnished because no one knows what the other is saying.

Why so many single black women?

I find it quite interesting how the world is so curios to know why there are so many single black women. There are many reasons for this dilemma. The thing that baffles me about the whole thing is why people are going there. It is not like if they had the answers the reality of the fact is not going away.

What would you expect to happen when we as African American people had no plan for ourselves when we were set free. There was no bible of life for us to follow as we emerged into White America. The freed slaves lacked the ability to see themselves as one race of people. Foreigners enter this country with a plan to remain authentic and true to their culture. Some take on the white American ways to survive but their hearts are known to be in their culture.

As we emerged into this new opportunity, we gave up our natural identity to not only survive but to live the life of the so-called American dream. Beginning with our hair, women straighten it so much now that it is almost more straighter than other nationalities who hair is naturally straight. Where men do straighten their hair at times, many rid themselves of the natural kinky hair by shaving their heads early in life instead of allowing balding to come as a natural process. In a sense everything about us had to go. And when we began this process, the potential for natural bonding was destroyed. Not only did we kill ourselves physically but soulfully as well. The African American people lack a foundation to survive as a constructive race of people in White America.

Man look at woman and woman look at man not knowing how to naturally connect to one another. Who or what they see is not natural. It is like they are looking at aliens. When the reality starts to kick in, we do a fast turn away because the reality is too painful and u forgivable. We are looking at each other through eyes that do not belong to us. We punish one another because of fear.

This is part one of my series revealing why so many single black women.

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."

Arthur Schopenhauer