What happens when a soldier falls in love with a molested angel?

“All right, soldiers, line up in two’s and follow me,” shouted Drill Sergeant Delap.

            We followed the short woman to our barracks.  Her uniform fit her like a glove and it was obvious that she didn’t take any mess.  Our over-packed duffle bags were slung awkwardly on our backs, while we carried our personal belongings in our arms.  By the time we made it to our new home we were all sweating and panting from the long walk.

Inside the long room, there were two bays, each with two rows of bunks.  The first instruction we were given was to make up the disheveled bed we would be using for the next eight weeks.  All of us were exhausted.  Some girls just burst out crying and started saying they wanted to go home.  We were subjected to over an hour of needless torture and mind games ranging from, how to correctly fold a shirt to how to clean the dust out from under our beds.

            Finally, the drill sergeant grew tired of running us in circles and ordered us to bed.  Once in my bunk, I fell asleep wishing for my momma.

But after that night, I was fine with the idea of being away from home.  It finally dawned on me how great this moment of my life was.  There wasn’t a soul here who knew anything about me.  I could be any person I wanted to be.  It was like going on stage and being a star.  I decided to be a person without a past.

I thought, “Let’s see who I am.”

Basic training was an experience I will never forget.  All forty females in the barracks were awakened at five o’clock in the morning, every morning.  We jumped out of bed and had to be in formation by six o’clock.  We marched everywhere we went, whether it was the chow hall or to the track to run laps.  We were like one big family in green.

Our drill sergeant was a petite, fair-skinned, white woman with blonde hair.  Drill Sergeant Delap was thin enough to be swept away by a breeze.  She looked like a Barbie doll in fatigues.  Her boots looked like they weighed more than she did.  But as small as she was, she could holler so loud you’d think she was ten feet tall and weighed 300 pounds.  You just had to respect her.  Her fatigues were starched perfectly, with straight creases down the front of her pants.  Her shirt was so well starched it appeared to be made out of cardboard.  The woman was perfectly presented as a representative of the United States Army.

            “Private Tillard, get your butt over here, front and center.”

            “Yes, Drill Sergeant,” I bellowed.

            “You will be responsible for this platoon.”

            “Yes, Drill Sergeant.”

            On the inside I was doing cartwheels but on the outside I was stoic and at attention.  I couldn’t believe I was being selected to be the platoon leader of our squad.  We had waited a whole week to find out who it would be.  I thought it was going to be Gladys Jackson because she passed every inspection with little effort.  Some of the girls rolled their eyes at me, while others congratulated me.

            “She must really like you.  I don’t see anything spectacular you did that I didn’t do,” said Martha.

            Martha was jealous about any and everything pertaining to everybody, so I wasn’t surprised when she made that comment.

            “I bet if you weren’t so jealous-hearted, you probably would’ve been selected to be a platoon leader.  Your funny ways would just hold us back.”

            “Jealous?  You think I’m jealous of you?  You’re just a lucky black token.”

            “Oh, so you’re prejudiced, too?  You’re a poor thing, you can’t think for yourself.  You’re not just jealous and prejudiced, you’re ignorant.”

            “You’re a black fool.  You have no right to talk to me like that.  I’m better than you no matter what you think,” said Martha.

            “How are you better?  Oh is it because you got money?  It sure ain’t because you’re cute with your out of shape butt.  You think you’re all that?  Or is it because you have white skin and you’ve been brainwashed to believe you’re better than other people?  Which is it?  It can’t surely be because you have a brain because you’re stupid,” I said.

            “You both need to stop,” Ann said.

            I sucked my teeth. “She started it.  She’s evil!”

            “Hold on now,” said Jean.

This was beginning to turn into a racial war.  The black females gathered near me, while the white females joined Martha.  All the other races of girls just looked on, afraid of the outcome.

            “This is crazy,” I said as I turned and walked away.

            “You said I was evil.  That was not fair.  It’s a lie,” Martha said following close behind me.

            “I don’t hate you, but I’m not going to let you put me down because of the color of my skin.”

            The room was very quiet as everybody moved to their areas to prepare for inspection.  As I was folding my socks and underclothes, I couldn’t help but wonder why people were so quick to attack each other.  Out of all the things we could do in life, why choose to be less than loving?

After our argument, we managed to tolerate each other long enough to get through basic training.  I wasn’t trying to be anyone’s best friend and that was good enough for me at the moment.  The biggest accomplishment for us had to be passing the physical fitness test.  We had to run two miles in a certain time frame or flunk basic training.  Most of us did well with the sit-ups, pushups, jumping jacks, and the other requirements, but the track was another story.

The Alabama sun beamed down on us like it was trying to fry us up for afternoon chow.

            “I can’t make it,” cried Tina as she began to throw up toward the end of the run.

             I ran out on the track and hollered at her. “You better make it!  You only got a few more steps and you will make it, throw up and all!”

Tina dragged herself to the finish line, barely making her time.

Girls were falling out all over the track.  I helped as many as I could to cool their faces down and encouraged them to stand up and keep moving, even if they had to walk the rest of the way.  Though many of them came in soaking wet with sweat and vomit on their clothes, all of us passed our PT test.

            The next day we had to go through the gas chamber.  As we lined up outside the shack filled with tear gas, we stood quietly waiting our turns.  The first set of ten went in and came out crying and gasping for air and I thought I wasn’t going to make it because I do not like being closed in.

Sad to say, a psycho/sociopathic mentality rules this country.  In other words, America breeds molestation.  The growing alienation among people is making this a loveless society. People would rather have more stuff than more people to love.  As a child, it was apparent to me there was more going on in this world than what I was told.  I wanted to know why there were so many unhappy people and why would someone shoot John F. Kennedy in the head.  I knew whoever did this to him, that he or she did not love him.  I never physically touched this man but I loved him deeply.  Hearing his voice, I felt hope.  When people willfully hurt me, I felt it only revealed their hearts and it was something I needed to know.  For sure, I did not want to be like them.

That same mentality that killed President Kennedy is found in predators.  In America, they are found in all institutions determining our fate.  Molestation is a subtle form of victimization characterized by greed, superiority over others, selfishness, hatred, deceit, etc. Keep in mind when you are dealing with a human predator, you are dealing with a person who has no conscious of the life of their victims.  Their main concern can go anywhere from self-gratification to actual murder.  Their missions can be as simple as being a con artist, politician, employer, rapist, spouse etc.  Predators live to kill life be it mental, emotional, financial, spiritual, and physical.  It seems no one ever asks the question why he or she does not have control over their drive to act on the inner callings to rape and kill.  It is not considered that just maybe it could be a powerful force taking possession of their minds and subsequently their souls.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against

the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Ephesians 6:12

The possibility of considering unseen forces as the means to bringing these heart-wrenching experiences is seldom considered.  One afternoon I was watching the Dr. Phil Show. The guests on his show were dealing with molestation that had taken place with a grandfather with his son’s daughter.  When the grandfather said the devil made him do it, it provoked Dr. Phil.  He immediately told him he was lying and that he molested his granddaughter because he wanted to do it.  I wanted to tell Dr. Phil so badly this man was telling the truth.  He was allowing the evil forces of hell to control his nature.  Why?  I don’t know but sometimes it is because of the conditioning to survive in an environment dominated by molesting forces to take at any costs.

            Molestation always has a predator that uses mixed signals to achieve its goals.  The mental processing of molestation is successful through a psycho/sociopath mentality.  It does not have to have physical contact to take place.  Their trusting us is not required for the molester to move confidentially in their pursuit.  However, they have to assume we trust them.  They know it is not trust that causes a victim to comply.  It is Mixed Signal Syndrome.  All a predator needs from us is to fear them in some subtle way.   For instance, the fear my books would not be published reigned over me through both of my literary experiences.  With a child, the fear he or she may upset others and destroy their families paralyzes their ability to speak about it.

Molestation is a power move to obtain selfish gratification.  It is the most dehumanizing experience in America.

Deception and lies are mixed with many levels of truths to cause the mind not to establish certainty.  If certainty is established it is only temporary because what is given is a decoy to draw us in.  Molesters at times bargain with their prey.  If we keep quiet, we can live.

            America Breeds Molestation because the source that keeps it alive is evil.  As long as our world order is based on greed, lust, superiority, racism and hate, our children will never be safe and neither will the innocent people who have a conscious.

            Everywhere we turn in this country there is corruption and in that corruption is molestation.  Mixed Signal Syndrome shows up strictly for controlling our minds and lives. The sources being mentioned having MSS does not apply to all but do apply to many of the named sources.  There is not anything new about this information.  It is just sharing an American cocktail in a clear glass with more ice.

"We have staked the whole of all our political institutions upon the capacity of mankind for self-government, upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to the Ten Commandments of God."

James Madison, the fourth president, known as "The Father of Our Constitution"

Political Molestation

When politicians begin molesting people, they fill the media and our minds with mixed signals of promises of doing well for the whole and unveiling knowledge of the imperfections of their opponents until the day of election.  By the time people get to the polls, they are so filled with mixed signals they do not know for sure what is real.  Many voters are moved by their fears of the future and their livelihood.  Whoever calms their main fears is the one selected at the polls. What we have gotten from our government is a direct result of MSS.  The government was established to serve the people but the people are serving the government as it controls our livelihood.  We are supposed to be a democracy and we swear by it even though there is no equality here for people because our political structure has been allowed to set up a foundation forcing classifications of people that ensure the rich will continue to become richer while the poor continue to be poorer.  Our right to vote was designed to inform our government what the majority desired and needed to remain a productive and thriving species.  The results of our voting never seem to show up in our democracy.  We still have people struggling for healthcare, education, equality, security etc.

It never seems to amaze me how the masses limit their power to a few.  The real power is in the people but because of MSS we allow ourselves to become numb to taking a stand and forcing changes for our best good.  We pay this foundation to rob us of future security.  Who would be the first to admit it?  We are an embarrassment to the world.  They know our government does not have our best interest at heart this is why the world does not understand why we are trying to make Iraq form a democracy as we have here in America. They do not see it making us prosperous. They see our MSS. We are no longer trusted by other countries.

America will pay for its tendency to enslave people by cheap labor.  This time, I believe the immigrants are going to accept this position for it prepares them for establishing a base of eventual control because they know the power of numbers and unity.  For this, I respect their wisdom to build.  Better is the poor that walketh in his uprightness, than he that is perverse in his ways, though he be rich.  Proverbs 28:6

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded not by religionists but by Christians, not on religions but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ.”

Patrick Henry, that patriot and Founding Father of our country